html> Breathe Easy: Celebrate life.

Celebrate life.

          Hellllllooooo there blogging world! I need to extend the biggest apology for my lack of updates! Let me start my blog listing my excuses as to why I have been so lame with posting (because thats how every blog should start, right?) Okay... I got a cold, like a terrible... I can't breathe, hacking up a lung, type of cold. WORK. I don't talk to much about my jobs/ but I have been incredibly busy... and I am partially lazy, so any down time I get, I take advantage of my sleep. OKAY.. get it over with: do I want some cheese with that wine? Call the waaaambulance. I just needed to get it all off my chest. 

        But the biggest reason for the delay, and I think a justifiable one, was Ashley's birthday on Oct 2nd. No matter how positive I remained, it still put me in a sort of disconnect with the world. I found myself just wanting to shut my door and be by myself, allowing the world outside to rush on by, as if the four walls around me diminished time as a whole. I think it was the whole time aspect that hit me hardest. How much time has passed since her death. It is a scary thought. 

     So to avoid being a total buzz kill- I thought I would throw Ashley a birthday party. She would never want me to feel this way on her birthday... I updated a Facebook status that sort of explains my thoughts on this celebration: 

I went to bed last night dreading the mere thought of Oct 2nd, wishing I could sleep through it and just wake up on the 3rd. It is crazy how one date can have such a large impact on you… Oct 2nd is Ashley Dias birthday, a date we use to celebrate, a date we use to plan for months in advance, and now its a date that makes me cringe, makes me cry, and takes me a month in advance just to conjure up the courage to even look at on a calendar. But I woke up today and didn’t feel the usual burden, the dread I had felt last night seemed to have disappeared. Instead, I felt happy? I was confused with myself, and then the anger hit me, how could I feel happy on this day? Was I bad person for feeling so? I glanced over to my bed side table and spotted the picture of Ashley that I keep close by, my lips already forming the word “sorry,” as if she was alive in the picture, would see me say sorry and forgive me for not crying my eyes out. But my lips let go of the formation as soon as my eyes focused on the picture, sorry never came out of my mouth, and an unusual sense of calmness immediately took over my body. Its as if she answered the questions running through my mind… the last thing Ashley would ever want is for us to avoid this date, this occasion that celebrated the life she lived. She would want us to do just that, celebrate it. Celebrate all the memories she left behind, eat an abundance of sweets, all the while sharing stories of her many mishaps, and filling the room with boisterous laughs. So that is what I will do. I want to wish my sister the happiest of birthdays, and I want to do so by celebrating this day as if she was celebrating with me. I also want to thank everyone who has followed my journey since I started this blog, without your support I would not be as strong as I am right now, I would never have been able to donate my own kidney to Lindsey. So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

     The party consisted of close family and friends, lots of junk food, sweets, and WINE (la duhhhh). We laughed, shared stories, and did everything Ashley would have wanted us to do. I am so thankful for all of the people who attended, its amazing that no matter how much time passes- there will always be people who care, and that is a really calming thing for me. So here are some pictures of the event-

Happy Birthday Angel. 

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