html> Breathe Easy: So single, So single....

So single, So single....


             I am like so single, so single… my idea of a date is walking to the farmers market, by myself- forgetting that an actual ‘date’ usually includes two people… I don’t even know how to date at this point. So therefore… I don’t. It got me thinking as I was bombarded by older/younger/every ucking person, questions… “are you seeing anyone?” “how is the dating life?” “any new boyfriends..” etc, etc, blah. blah. Okay, I am just sounding bitter now, aren’t I? I am sure you non single woman are thinking so, as you sit snuggled up on the couch with your loved one, playing footsie and feeding each other pieces of the homemade cookies y’all just baked together…what, that isn’t happening? But in all seriousness, I am not bitter! I think relationships are wonderful- I was in two, three year relationships… I enjoyed every second of them (lol, no thats a lie…I enjoyed them most of the time) I literally only knew relationships since I was 17 years old up until 23. I remember my friends and family worrying for my well being if those relationships were to end, “will you be able to be single? you’ve always had someone, how will you cope without them?” I will breathe, eat and go on my everyday life as usual? It is absurd to me, I certainly enjoyed dating and the thought of always having someone there for me, but I also always knew I was stronger than someone who would fall apart due to an ending relationship! I digress… I personally don’t regret any of my prior relationships, I have learned so many lessons from them. I am also incredibly happy for my friends who are happy with their current significant others, the ones who are jumping…um, I mean, getting married, and I worry intensely about the ones who are rushing things- I of course have zero say in their desired path… so all I am about to express is my own opinion, what I believe makes a relationships work, what I have seen break a relationship, and the importance of loving yourself, finding a career you love just as much, and how doing things for yourself, that bring joy into your life, should come before all else.
           First of all why is our life mission finding that someone...and I feel like this is becoming the norm for younger and younger people every year. I mean, it is the first topic that comes up when communicating with your friends, its the point of most peoples nights out, and the array of dating websites is overwhelming… I get it, having someone is nice, but me? I want to own a company, I want to be a boss (bauuuus), I want to find new hobbies, travel, and yes, eventually I hope to meet someone, but I certainly have bigger dreams than letting “meeting someone” move straight to the top of that list (and when did the idea of meeting someone become a mission and not something that just happened.. you know, fate...) And thats not say if I do meet someone I am going to avoid dating them, I just don’t intend on making it my sole purpose to find that someone. I have so much I want to do right now that the last thing I have been thinking about is getting into a serious relationship. I have never been the type to pinterest a bunch of wedding shiz, and my childhood dream as all the other little girls were dreaming of their white dress, was being able to have a huge office on the top of a skyscraper, with massive windows looking out on the city skyline, and never having to introduce myself because I was already known. So as much as I do hope to meet someone, I have a lot of things I want to accomplish that I need to focus on before that. I have actually gone on dates more recently, don't get me wrong.. but each one has made it more and more clear to me that I want to "do me" (haaaa, I will probably never say that again), and accomplish some of my own goals before I jump into the boyfriend world again. 
           So now here is my problem with some relationships I see, and things I have personally experienced...I have dated two guys for three years, a month of single life between them…probably not my smartest move, but its what made me happy (ugh), so there was no changing my mind. First of all, you need single time, way longer than a months worth. You just do. You also must not alter your life because of a significant other… if you are planning on moving for a bit, but meet someone between that time, so you settle and change plans… you are making a huge, huge mistake. If your idea of an exciting life is marrying your high school sweetheart, spending every waking second together, not having a desire to really travel or do things because you are comfortable where you are at, and then choose on getting married and having kids- you are probably going to miss out on a hell of a lot. Again, this is just my thoughts- not trying to offend anyone who chooses this path- more power to you... but if you are that certain you are meant to be with that person, why rush into marriage and not take time to travel and see/do other things? I guess what I am saying is, as long as you don't find happiness in the form of a relationship, and you still make sure to open up time for yourself/friends/family... separate from time with your significant other, and continue to work on making sure you are in the exact career you want to be, annnnnd still do the same things you did before they came into the picture.. then you are in the exact type of relationship I want to be in ....cause from personal experience, if you include your significant other in… you are making a mistake, YOU NEED YOUR OWN LIFE, I remember being with my past boyfriends, and feeling like I had to be with them all the time, our comfort levels were up there, so much so that we didn’t desire to put fourth effort, didn’t shut the door when going to the bathroom… and just literally threw out all mystery. It seems great, they are your best friend… that’s the problem, no, they are your boyfriend/girlfriend… Yeah you guys need to have a stronger foundation to last, a foundation like one of a friendship... but that doesn’t mean they are your bestest friend that is use to seeing you pick your wedge and nose. And I am not saying being close and comfortable with your significant other is a bad thing, but just be aware of loosing all mystery. I also think the whole jumping into marriage is terrifying. I don’t think you really know someone as well as you think until you have spent a huge portion of time together, and I am talking years. (again, this does not go for everyone!!!)
       It is wonderful seeing my friends happy, and in turn that makes me happy… but it also makes me slightly sad that sometimes, the reason for their happiness seems to depend on a significant other...that makes me sad because that has been me before. Your significant other shouldn’t be the reason for your happiness, you should have already found happiness, and just included them as another part of your life that was already full of happiness.  Take a step back and ask yourself, “if I didn’t have this person… would I still  be doing exactly what I am…is this what I have always wanted to do...” if the answer is yes, than good for you- keep excelling, keep being cutesy, but don’t overdue it. 

Make smart choices that demand a happy future. 

Again, this doesn't go for everyone, and some people who are dating someone serious agree with my thought process- I know when I get into my next relationship, these lessons I have learned will allow me maintain a healthy and successful relationship.

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