html> Breathe Easy: Now what?

Now what?


        I am going a little stir crazy…I mean can you blame me? My doctor repeated.. "you can not drive for two weeks….really, you CANNOT drive." WHAT? surely he is mistaken…I mean that's a long time to not have dependent access to the outside world. But his repetition on this topic crushed any thought I had of him uttering a mistake. "You must also really relax, not a lot a movement, just rest for two weeeeeks. Really take it easy." Huh? But there are many things to do, I thought.
        So in short, no one should have worried about me going under the knife for this kidney transplant, they should worry about it causing death from boredom. I never thought I could HATE sleeping so much. I also truly believe I can recite most lines in most T.V series and movies, since you know, I've watched them all on repeat. 
        But through all this down time, it hit me… it's done. The worry, the stress, the confusion, the desperation, all of it is done. After two long years, or a year and a half… that has felt more like two years… the transplant took four hours, and now its done. Funny how long the waiting process was, and how quickly the actual procedure goes. But…now what!? Erica Ricci from fox asked me that question last night… now what? And it got me thinking. Of course I already planned what I would be doing after this with work/ which is pretty much what I was doing before it happened, but it got me thinking… now what 'emotionally?' I can now wake up every morning and NOT think about the hospital. I mean, do you guys understand the last time I stopped thinking about hospitals? Or the last time I stopped worrying about my sisters lives?… that was four years ago. Ashley got sick- and the constant, and very daunting worry, started right when the doctors said "a redo double lung transplant." So this feeling, its peculiar. This feeling where I wake up and say… "well now what do I worry about?" Well thats just it, I don't have to worry. I no longer feel like a 50 year old woman who has worries of LIFE or DEATH every time she stretches in the morning. I am twenty three years old again. Most of my worries are trivial to those past worries. It is refreshing. It is wonderful. But it is getting some taking use to.

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