I feel like I have many realizations throughout my days, and every time I have one, I become eager to jump on my blog and share them with those who read my entries. I often wonder if my realizations are relatable, or if it just sounds like me rambling away, with absolutely no direction. So I always write my thoughts down before I post them, and usually once I do, I see that these are all feelings and scenarios that most people have encountered in some way.
I had the time of my life this past week/weekend. I spent it with the ones I loved, we laughed, ate, drank, and threw together some last minute halloween costumes. We talked about our worries, cried on each others shoulders, and soaked up every second of the time we had (pictures below). That time is now past, and here I am today, left alone with my wandering mind. I can feel myself falling back into that emotionless state. That, "I have nothing exciting happening in the next few days so why should I be excited?" type of mindset. Why, as humans, do we instantly turn to a darker place when we are alone? When we don't have any big things planned in the days ahead, we feel bored and lonely. The thing is, we don't have to be doing something exciting just to feel excited. Be excited that you are alive, be excited that you are capable of reading this right now on whatever device you are using to view it. There are so many things that can bring excitement into our lives, and we don't have to be surrounded by people or have amazing plans just to enjoy our time, yet we find it so hard to do so. This all relates to me as well. Thats why I started writing this post, I became so curious as to why, after such a great weekend, I was now feeling so lonely and bored.
One of the hardest things for me to grasp, and utilize, has been the freedom I have in life. The freedom we all have. I don't have to feel sad, lonely, or bored...I can easily get into my car and go somewhere that makes me happy. Or go for a walk through the woods and soak in the shining sun and beautiful fall colors. I can watch a movie, read a magazine, paint my nails… the fact of the matter is, I can really do anything I want. Freedom is possible, we don't have to be doing the things we are currently doing at this very second (in my case letting my boredom and loneliness get the better of me), it is all a choice. We preach freedom, sing about freedom, and yet we stay trapped. We continue our journey throughout life doing the same old things, even if those things bring us despair. I will sit here and think about how I want this past week to come back, or how it went away too quickly… even though I know thinking about those things will only make me sad. Instead, I should be sitting here SMILING, happy that I have the people in my life that I do, happy about all the new memories that were made. But that would be too easy, I mean we can't ever just be happy can we? Doesn't there have to be a reason? Because we think like this, we do things we know aren't good for us. We have grown so accustomed to that daunting "cage" of self-judgment and despair, which keeps us from doing what we so badly want to do. Certain things that we have dreamt about for so long, we avoid doing, and instead we listen to that voice inside of our heads telling us "no," giving us anxiety, and stripping away our freedom. I see so many people sad with where they work, what they do on their free time, and how repetitive their days get, but our days are only this way because WE make them this way.
So, after my fun filled week of laughter and enjoyment, I am not going to allow myself to become "bored and lonely." Instead, I am going to look over all the pictures I took, and smile at the me mories I made… I am going to watch a movie that I have been so eager to watch, write for my blog, and do things that I love to do, things that make me happy. I want to learn that being alone is okay. That this time shouldn't be used for negativity. Stop being scared of what could be, take advantage of your own freedom.
